I want to write, on my terms, how I am going through this.
This is week two.
It gets better, I mean, I am not better yet, but I'll get there. Plus, people say I don't look miserable so I think that's a good thing. Mentally, I go through things, every single day, analysing things, trying to find the cracks and whatnots. Even when I have tried my very best, I still know I have my part in failing it, and I hope I can learn something from this.
I take care of myself better than the previous time. Mostly, I eat. I don't skip my meals. And I run and swim. It takes my mind off things for some time. Then I go out with my friends, I must have done something terribly good to have these people with me, being shoulders to cry on, when things get hard.
Also, I don't cry. Okay, I cry, a little. But not everyday. Maybe a little when I shower, sometime when I drive to work and those late night drivings but that's it. I don't go on some crying rampage and get my eyes swollen. And every single time I feel like crying, I tell myself, 'Don't do this to yourself', which is true. I don't deserve to cry days and nights.
But you never know, I might cry myself a river after this because that's how I usually cope with things, I cry, so I am even surprised myself that I am not crying my heart out over this.
Perhaps, he has given me reasons not to.
The first thing I learnt, nothing is certain. Life itself is uncertain. I just have to be sincere and have faith. And love. And if other people can't accept that or can't reciprocate those things, then it's okay. Because nothing is certain.
And by knowing nothing is certain, I am certain that I will not forever be sad, it will change for the better.
It will.
Have faith.
It will.
